Tuesday, October 24, 2017

My Comfy Writing Groove is Missing?

Writing is by far, as amazing as it can be, so weird.

It never works out like how you want it to, it takes on it's own life and demands to be written as it decides.

I say this because that's how I've been feeling lately.

Since I've started college, I haven't had a moment to sit down and just let it all flow out. When I'm not in school then I'm at home doing homework for god knows how long. Lately I've been writing papers for math until midnight.
I'm a writer, not a mathematician thank you very much.

But I'm used to that. I can work on homework for several hours, I did that in high school. And this happened back in high school as well, for a period of time my writing would have to come to a halt as I took care of things out in the real world. 

It's trying to get back into the swing of writing that's weird. 

Before, if I stopped in the middle of a chapter and didn't come back to it for a couple weeks, I still knew what direction I was going in. It might have taken a couple minutes, but I would be able to get back into my seriously comfy groove that I've created for the last several years now. 

However...my comfy groove seems to be missing.
You might be wondering, Lindsay, haven't you tried dragging them out of the cave?

Yes...yes I have. 

This is how writing can be weird. 

There are plenty of quotes saying that you should write every single day. Even if you don't want/feel like writing, you must write. It could be the crappiest thing you'll ever write, but hey, at least you did your daily writing.

And I don't necessarily agree with that.
Sorry, I'm officially letting the cat out of the bag!

There are moments when you should push yourself. These moments usually entail a deadline hovering over you, or you have a bit of writers block that just needs a little nudging. 

But writing every single day?

How do you get anything done is my question.
This wonderful and sometimes sucky, (but mostly wonderful) thing called Life, also known as work or even school, take up a lot of time. Then there's thing that you have to do preferably 3 times a day, that's called eating. Sometimes we even have chores we must get done and then homework and by the time you've sat down it's time to call it a night. 

You shouldn't force the story out either. There's a difference between forcing yourself to sit down because you've been procrastinating (let's be honest, we've all done this before,) and you just need to get the ball rolling. 

And then there's forcing it out to the point that the story itself gets rushed and it just sounds and feels wrong. At that point, you end up becoming  Nicholas Cage.

Writing can be described as two every day objects. The first, a giant truck barreling down the street coming at you head on. The second being that fragile vase that's been handed down in your family generation after generation and you, you are the one person who single handily breaks it within five minutes of it entering your house.

But I think I have an idea as to why my comfy writing groove is missing.

Your own writing needs a break just as much as we (the writers) need one. 

I know, that sounds really weird. 

But trust me on this. 

Please.

You know how sometimes you just crank out so much of a story that you feel fried out? In the morning you wake up with a major head ache? Feels like your fingers got whacked with a baseball bat? 

The same thing can happen to your writing.

It sounds crazy, but why not?

It gives so much of itself out to you (the writer) that it needs to take some time out for itself. While you're recovering from what I like to call a Writing Hangover, your story is doing the same thing. It's taking the time to...breathe so to speak. To decide what direction it wants to go in, whether or not it's the same story line you had originally started out with or if it's completely changed.

This, this is why writing is weird.

You can push yourself to write, but you can't force yourself to write.
You write everyday, or you write one weekend out of the month.
Your want to write but Writer's Block is hitting you hard, or your not writing but your characters are screaming, come back here! We have juicy stuff for you!

And I love it.

Writing is completely, one hundred percent, unpredictable. It's something that you just have to go with the flow at times. 

Right now my story is simply taking a breather. I never thought that was possible until recently, but it makes sense. And I'm okay with that because just when I think I've adjusted to college, we get a bunch of stuff thrown at us. (Mid-term(s), papers, making next semesters schedules.) So at the moment, we both need a breather. I know where I'm going with the chapter I last worked on so it's alright. 

Well everyone, I'm going to end this post. I'm currently surrounded by a bunch of papers that are scattered about.

Have a wonderful night, or morning. It is 12:16 am after all.

😊

- Lindsay Stenico

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A Quick Post Before Class

10:14 am

Hey y'all! Things have been pretty hectic since my last post, and if it seems like I've dropped off the face of the earth, it kinda feels like it at times, lol. But I do apologize for that.

You're probably wondering why have I dropped off the face of the Earth.

And I have only one word that can perfectly answer that question.

College.
(Source Laughing Gif)
That's right, I finally started my freshmen year at Westfield State University, and I can't feel my brains.

I'm actually writing this blog post up before my first class of the day, Intro to Comm Tech. 

My free time these days consists of doing homework, and when it's too late to get some serious writing done, I've been working on a 7 page drawing in my Art Book to help myself relax. I will upload pictures of the drawings when they are complete.

This is actually one of the paintings that I did. And yes, those are Snapple lids that I turned into flowers.

I'm also considering joining my school's TV Club!

Apparently I really want to send my brain on overload.

Well, my professor is here so I will hopefully be back later today with another mini update.

Talk to y'all soon!

😊

- Lindsay Stenico

Friday, August 25, 2017

My Characters Hang Out in a Dark and Scary Cave

Evening y'all!

It's been so long since I last made a blog post and I am extremely sorry about that. I didn't intend for that to happen, but I ended getting wicked busy. My summer is winding down as I prepare to start college on the 6th. 

Goodbye days of doing nothing all day long, and hello school!


I'm actually really excited. I'm that weird person who actually looks forward to learning something new.

Except for math. Math and I...we have an understanding with each other. And that's to avoid the other at all costs. Lol.

But I'm also excited to finally meet some new people. I don't exactly live in a small town, it's a perfect medium size that if you live here long enough you'll eventually know who is who just by spotting their head in a crowded area. However, after spending the last thirteen years with the same classmates over and over again, I am soooo more than ready to see a bunch of new faces when I walk into my classes.

Here's to hoping that I don't turn into the shy and awkward peanut that I can be.
Lol 😂.

It's more like this.

It'll be different that's for sure.

In other news, The Assignment is moving along wonderfully, and at the moment that is all I shall say about it. I know, I'm a horrible person lol. Honestly though, my baby is doing well. I'm working with some incredible people and I will be forever grateful for them. Without them, none of this would be possible, so a giant thank you to them, y'all know who you are! 😘😘😘😘

I've also been working on my other story, Cupid's Twisted Game (aka CTG) in the meantime. I love that story, I love writing it, I do. But my god can it be the hardest thing to write. And I was trying to describe it to my parents and aunt, and of course I got the usual odd look. In their defense, it did sound like I was talking about an actual human being and not a fictional character until I clarified.

It goes a little like this:

Picture an extremely dark cave, so dark that you can't even see your hand that's in front of you. Inside this cave are my characters. They like to come to the cave to hang out and do the first thing that floats into their minds. (Thank god that they're fictional or we would seriously be screwed.) 

As the writer, I have to go into this cave with a small flashlight that barely works half the time to see what the hell is going on, and why they're not coming out to tell me the rest of the story. Sometimes, they're wicked nice. They'll notice me and just get up and walk out with me clutching their arms with no problem. A word of advice, cherish these moments, they usually occur early on in the writing process before fading out.

If they don't come right out, sometimes I gotta use a little persuasion, a bit of bribery, and some well executed begging to get them to agree to leave. This seems to be a bit more common once you get past the nice and easy going stage.

And then there's the third stage. It's something else all right. 

This is when as the writer, you gotta pull up your writing panties and walk in full of confidence, (if you seem to lack in that department, as my high school journalism teacher once told me, "Fake it till you make it." It is some of the best advice I've ever gotten in high school, and at times I still tell myself  it when I need it.) 

Once you locate the character that you need, you have to grab them by their ankles and drag them out of that cave. And it's not like once you capture them they go limp in your grip and allow them to take them out of the cave, ha! They will fight you the entire way out. They don't want to leave the cave. Why would they leave when the cave is so fun and relaxing? But you can't give in, you can't let them out of your hold because you have work to do. You need to finish writing, you can't wait all day for them to decide when to write. 

At this point, if you have successfully made it out of the cave with your character in tow, you're usually in a spot that's comfortable for you. For some it's an office with the door shut, or a the kitchen counter with things spilled about. Me, I'm either out on the couch on my porch with fairy lights on, my bed because why not? Or, sitting on a pillow on my floor. Trust me, I don't understand the third one either, but hey 🤷, it works.

And once they start talking, the ball usually gets going as they slowly open up as to what's going on in the story. Sometimes I just get little bits, maybe enough for a chapter or two, and other times they don't know how to shut up. Which I love because then I got the good stuff and write for the next several days, and usually the next time I go to get them from the cave is a little bit more smoother. 

In my most recent case, I had to take option three to retrieve Lucas, the main character of CTG. It was interesting to say the least.

The thing is, no matter how much of a fight my characters put up, when we finally get my writing spot and they start opening up, no matter how little or big, I can see that they needed this. That in a sense, by telling me their story, it becomes therapeutic in a way for them. 

Because the way I see writing, these characters exist somewhere. Maybe not in the real world, but they exist somewhere and they decided that they wanted to tell their story, and chose me. I'm the lucky one who gets to write it out for them for the rest of the world to hear. So when they tell me about the ups and downs, I notice their shoulders visibly lifting and their spirits rise. It's an amazing thing to be honest. 



 It's a lot to take in, and it probably sounds like I'm a bit crazy. But as Alice said, "You're mad. Bonkers. Off your head...But I'll tell you a secret...All of the best people are." (Alice in Wonderland)

Now that I think about it, I said that my characters like to hang out in a cave. While that is true, that is not to say my mind is a dark cave. I like to think of it more as... a labyrinth. The dark cave where my characters hang out in is somewhere in the labyrinth. Once you find your way in, good luck getting out. I suggest that you bring a giant ball of gold string with you. And some snacks, you might be there for a while. Don't worry about being bored, there's a variety of music constantly playing that you'll find yourself humming along at some point. 😄

 Well, I think that'll conclude tonight's blog post. Please don't forget to follow me for more posts in the future. And please check out my social media at the top of the page, I promise you, I don't bite. Not at all. My bark however....lol.

Y'all have a good night now and an awesome weekend! 🙌


😊

-Lindsay Stenico 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Wednesday Surprise

Hey y'all!

In my last post I announced that I had a surprise for those who follow me on Wattpad for Wednesday. Well today is the day that I got to unveil my little surprise. Which now that I think of, might not have been much of a surprise because Wattpad is a very prominent website for writers to post their stories online. So I guess it was pretty obvious that I was uploading a new story.
Oh well. Anyway...lol, my new story is completely different from The Assignment. There is more sarcasm in it than I expected, and it goes faster as well. The title of my new story is called, Cupid's Twisted Game. And here's what it's about.



The soul mate principal. Everyone has heard of it before. You meet the person that you’re meant to fall in love with and you live happily ever after. But what happens if you die before that can happen?
Lucas Patterson never got his chance.
Suddenly his entire afterlife is turned upside down. With the help of Jude Owens, his pot smoking guardian angel, Lucas has to gain control of his new powers and find his soul mate or he won’t be able to move on.
Who was it that decided these rules?
That would-be Cupid, he has a sick sense of humor, and this is his twisted game.



I didn't know how to transition from that so I thought this gif was a good idea, lol.


But that is my surprise and I hope y'all like it. You can find the first chapter on Wattpad, where I will be updating with a new chapter every Wednesday. Just click this link → Cupid's Twisted Game. And don't forget to follow me on my social media to keep up with what I'm up to.


Y'all have an amazing night now!






😊



-Lindsay Stenico

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Editing, No More!

Afternoon y'all!

Just a little update. 

I am finally done with the editing process and I am in love with the way that my story The Assignment has come out. I'm beyond excited with how things are going at the moment and I can't wait for the day that I will be able to hold it in my hands.

In other news, I have a surprise. If you follow me on Wattpad you will see it first, but this coming Wednesday keep your eyes on the lookout. I apologize for being so vague about this surprise, but I promise that y'all will love it. If not, you have the right to be angry with me.

 If you don't follow me on Wattpad, the link is up above, there you can find the first draft of The Assignment as well as some short stories that I have written. And please don't forget to check out my other social media, I post some pretty cool things if I say so myself, lol.

That's it for today, I hope y'all have a wonderful Saturday!


😊

-Lindsay Stenico

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Writing Can Be Hard

Sometimes writing is the hardest thing to do.

I'm serious, sometimes just getting my fingers to type more than a few sentences can feel like a life time once in a while. I feel like every writer feels this way at least once in their life, if not a couple times.

I'll use tonight as an example.

For the last three or four hours now, I've been trying to write this intense confession scene, and during this time, I've only gotten a page and a half done. I know what's supposed to happen, I know what's going on, but the words just refuse to come out for some reason. I feel like a mom at the moment. In the sense that my writing is a five year old hanging onto the door frame while I'm the adult holding said child by it's legs trying to drag it out of the house.

And I want to write too.

I'm hopping that once I finish this chapter that it will be a little bit more smooth sailing from here, but this part, my god, it's like pulling teeth without being knocked out.

Usually I listen to music when I'm writing, with one earbud out so that the characters don't feel like I'm ignoring them and so they can tell me the rest of what's going on, and sometimes the music help sets the mood. But tonight, it's more like this tonight.
Whenever this has happened before, I sometimes had to step away and just not think about writing and interact with the human population that I may or may not have forgotten about, use Netflix to binge watch everything, listen to my latest music obsession (which is currently K-Pop if you're wondering.) Or if I still want to be creative, I'll try and do something artsy in my Art Book.  Which as of yesterday, is attempting to press flowers. Usually after reminding myself that there is life out there, I can write again and conquer the beast that is blocking my writing!
Other times, I've literally opened up a new word document and just rewrote the entire chapter, and that works as well. And when that doesn't seem to work, I try writing other stories or ideas that I've been thinking about.

But tonight, it's just got me like:

All I know is that this scene has got to be written, and it's just being rude.

But just like everything else, you have to keep pushing forward. This is just another roadblock that I have got to figure out how to get around. Can writing be easy? Yes, it can be. Once I was able to crank out three or four chapters in one day. Those days are amazing, especially when what you write makes sense too! It all depends on who you are and how you go about it. There's always going to be a moment when everything seems perfect when suddenly out of nowhere you get hit with a giant problem that you have no idea how to fix and vice versa. 

You just have to remember that no matter, you'll eventually find yourself standing on the other side, clapping your hands together to get some of the dirt and grime off. Especially when it's about something that you love. When you love what you do, or are doing, you can't give up on it, no matter what the reason.

Hopefully this helps someone out there, whether it's about writing, or something completely unrelated to writing. You just gotta keep going.

It's like what Dory always says.
Huh, my brain feels a little bit clearer after my little rant. Maybe that's what I needed, a rant to get things back on track. Who really knows? 🤷

I hope y'all have a wonderful night! Don't forget to hit the follow button to keep updated on when I post, and please check out my social media as well. I like to think I'm interesting person, at least just a little bit, lol.


😊
-Lindsay Stenico










Sunday, July 16, 2017

Story Time!

Hey y'all, for those of you who may not know, I've been posting my stories on Wattpad since 2013, I remember the days back to when Wattpad had instant messaging, kinda like how Facebook has it's set up. Those were the good 'ole days, lol.

If you'll allow me, I would like to bring y'all back to the summer of 2015 for a moment.

The summer of 2015 was a heat wave, I'll tell you that, and I had finished writing the first 20 chapters of The Assignment and sent them off to my trusty friend to take a look at. She had never read anything that I've written and she's an avid reader, so I knew that I could trust her with my story.  She was the first person that I personally knew who was going to be reading what I wrote. At that time, I was still writing Fan Fiction and the only people who read my stuff was me, and those who followed me on Wattpad.

To be honest, I was a nervous wreck the entire time.

Why?

Because this was my baby, and nobody wants to see their baby to be told that it's not good.


And because it was also the first time that I had tried to write something that was my own, that I had created from scratch. During the time that I started writing The Assignment, I was growing bored with writing Fan Fiction. Don't get me wrong, I still read it from time to time, but there are so many constraints to it and I wanted to be true to the people that I was writing about, so it was hard to feel like I was doing my own thing. Granted, I did have a few handful of characters that were my own and had extremely enjoyed creating them, but it just wasn't enough. So I took a break from Fan Fiction and tried my hand at writing Young Adult Fiction.

Let me tell you, once I got a taste of writing fiction, I couldn't stop. It's an addiction that I will never be able to beat. I was the one in charge of what was happening in the story, the only timeline I had to work with was the one that I created. I had the power to alter and change my characters lives and choices. Everything that I wrote, was mine. And I haven't stopped writing fiction since.

Then one day, I got a phone call from my trusty friend. At first, there was lots of shouting because I had only sent her the first 20 chapters, I hadn't finished it yet at the time. After I laughed my brains out, because it was a hysterical conversation, I will admit that, she finally told me that I had something good in my hands and suggested that we get together to go over it as she had a few suggestions and such.

So for that summer, we spent hours on end hanging out in her wonderfully cool basement, picking out the kinks and fixing scenes that she had found confusing, sometimes laughing as we were trying to understand just what it was that these characters wanted to get across.

It was early September that same year that I began to post a single chapter of The Assignment once a week up until September 14, 2016 when uploaded the last chapter. Since then, The Assignment has ranked #153 in Teen Fiction November 24, 2016 and as of today, it now has 50K reads!

This story has gone above and beyond what I originally thought way back in 2015. I am extremely grateful for everyone who has taken the time to read The Assignment, it means the entire world to me. I never thought it would reach this many reads in my life.

The version that is posted on Wattpad, is the very first draft of The Assignment, and it has been going under edits since then. Edits that I have personally done after I finished posting it, and edits that I've done with an editor. While it is the same story line, there will be new scenes that have been added, as well as scenes that may have happened in the first version that I've taken out in the latest of edits. I hope that y'all will enjoy it when it gets published.

I just want to thank everyone for letting me tell you my story with how The Assignment has come to be. From being just a simple idea  that I thought only a couple people would be interested in, to a story that has been read in multiple countries on Wattpad, and in the future, it'll be a book that, not only I will one day be able to hold in my own two hands, but everyone and anyone who wants a copy.

Dreams really do come true when you work hard enough for them.


😊

-Lindsay Stenico

Good News

7/16/17

Hey y'all!

For the last couple days it's been raining cats and dogs, and I love it! Honestly, when it rains I am so happy because it's the perfect weather that allows you to curl up with your favorite blanket, hot beverage, and a good book. And that's what I usually do, but instead I've been editing away at my book The Assignment, and I've finally finished it!


This round of editing is finished, which I am happy about, which means I can take a short break before continuing to write my this other story that I've been working on for a couple months now. Things are moving along nicely and I can't wait for the next step. Until then, it's time to enjoy the summer!

😊

-Lindsay Stenico




Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy Fourth of July!

Hey y'all!

Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy 4th of July today!
I hate to sound like a party pooper, but please do remember to stay safe if you are lighting off fireworks today or anytime in the near future.

It truly is.

In other news, I want to let y'all know that I am halfway through editing my first novel, The Assignment!
I am so excited for y'all, it's turning out pretty good if I say so myself. Y'all will love it.

Any who, I hope everyone has a fantastic fourth of July!

😊

-Lindsay Stenico

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Two For One Deal

Hey y'all!

This one is actually going to be quite short, more on the informational side today.

First things first, a giant shout out to all the father's out there today! I hope you have a nice and relaxing time with your families. Y'all are awesome!

Second, I was interviewed!

I know right!

I was interviewed by the lovely Fiona Mcvie which can be found Here. It was a lot of fun and I hope y'all enjoy reading it.

Third order of business, I am now a member of a writing group. We're called the WhipCity Wordsmiths and we're a newly formed writing group and you can find us  Right Here. The best part that I love is that we are all writers of different backgrounds, we write in different genres and we're all of different age groups, but we all love to write. So that is going to be lots of fun.

Anyhow, that is today's post, I should hopefully be updating my bookcase in the next few days, I have 75 pages left of the book that I'm reading and it's absolutely mind blowing. It's about the end of the human race with a giant twist. I think y'all would like it too.

Alright y'all, I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
 
😊

-Lindsay Stenico

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Whaaaaaaat? I Made Friends?

College dorm rooms in June, can get ridiculously hot.

How might I know this little tidbit?

Because on Monday, and half of Tuesday, I had my college orientation!

I can already hear my wallet crying in agony.


But I will admit, I actually had a lot more fun then I originally thought I would. I thought that I would be bored because none of my friends were going to be there, and so I didn't think I would know any of the other kids that were there.

Which was true, I didn't know anyone...at first. 😉

While orientation is designed to help you get familiar with the college, it's also great way to meet other people who are in the same boat as you.

  • College freshmen.
  • Possibly moving away from home.
  • Don't want to get lost either
  • Trying to make something that should only make one meal into a week's worth of food. 
You know, just the usual categories, lol.


I'm usually a shy girl, I'd rather the other person start talking and then join in the conversation, which in my head always seems to work out and we're instantly friends!

By the way, never happens, just in-case y'all were wondering.

This time however, I struck up the conversation first!
And I am seriously grateful that I did, because I ended up hanging out with some really awesome people and had a shit ton of fun. And you know what, we all ended up exchanging Snapchats.
Mmhmm, shit just got real, lol.

It's like what I've said before, you have to live to understand life. And living under a rock doesn't count either, unless you're Patrick Star, then that's different.

So be the first person to strike up a conversation, you never know what might happen.

For me, I made some really cool friends that I'm hoping to see again in three months. And I'm a little less nervous to be starting college in the fall because I've already made some friends. If I had just stayed quiet, then none of this would have happened.

Which really sucks if you think about it. 

Well, I believe that this is the conclusion of this post, I know it might seem a bit boring and short, but sometimes that's exactly what it takes for you to find something that stands out, even if it's just a little tiny thing.

Have a wonderful week everyone!

Oh! And if you are planning on living on campus for college, I recommend bringing a fan, cause you will sweat your ass off in the warmer months.

😊

-Lindsay Stenico




Sunday, June 4, 2017

Book Haul: Part 1

I've learned that it's extremely important that when you go shopping, to bring someone with you who is perfectly okay with keeping you from spending even more money.

Why might I say this?

Because I went to the one store that no book lover can enter by themselves and walk out alive. Or with a full wallet.

That's right. Yesterday...I went to Barnes and Noble.


They should have signs that say things like, "Danger Zone," and "Wallet Will Be Empty Within Five Minutes of Entering."  I had my dad hold me back after I finally decided what books I was going to purchase. And he did good, until I saw these totes that had these seriously cute book quotes on them and I just had to have it. But he did keep me away from the bookmarks because if I'm gonna be honest, I am a giant ass sucker for bookmarks.

You can never have too many books or bookmarks!


Whenever I go into stores that I know I have basically no self control in, I make up a game plan. I will make up a list of what exactly I want/looking for, I will add up the totals the day before to make sure I have enough money, because when I go off the list...this happens.


Because there were some books that I wanted but weren't in the store, I got to go off my list! It was very exciting to be able to go off the rails so to say. And because of that, I found some gems that I can't wait to read. Like, Escaping Perfect by Emma Harrison.


Passenger by Alexandra Bracken.


A Court of Thrones and Roses by Sarah J. Maas.


FirstLife by Gena Showalter.


Witches of East End by Melissa De La Cruz (Author of the Blue Blood Series and Descendants.


This adorable tote! As soon as I saw this I knew I wouldn't be leaving without it.


And last but not least, Splintered by A.G Howard.




 I started reading Splintered, by A.G. Howard last night, and oh my god. For me, I love anything that has it's own take on fairy tales, it's one of my weaknesses. And Splintered is this dark, modern and edgy twist on the story, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. I'm only 98 pages into it but I am seriously hooked. I can't say too much yet, but it's definitely a must read on my list. 

I've always loved reading. Reading has always been my favorite thing to do, and when I got in trouble when I was younger, (which wasn't that often,) my parents would take my books away. That's how much books mean to me. I can't live without them, I am 100% a certified book nerd!


And I stay up until the wee hours in the morning reading.



 Let's be honest, there is always one more page. Lol.


But reading is also where I got my start for wanting to write. I love how once you get into a book, you're no longer just reading the words off the page, but in your mind it's like you're watching a movie. You can see, hear, taste, and feel everything that you're reading. You end up going off to this other world that only you can interact in at the moment.

Reading is where it all starts for a writer. 

It's the act of opening up a book for the first time, and realizing that you'll never be the same again because of how you felt after reading. 

And that's a powerful thing.

So next time you're at a bookstore, or even the library, check out what they have and find one the interests you. You never know, that book could open your eyes to a whole new world. 

😊

-Lindsay Stenico

Previous Blog Posts

My Comfy Writing Groove is Missing?

Writing is by far, as amazing as it can be, so weird. It never works out like how you want it to, it takes on it's own life and demand...